Written by Chantal Adonis

A society’s unspoken guide to being a strong woman goes this way: 

Be assertive, but not overly assertive. You should let your voice be heard, of course, but not loud enough for others to actually listen. You can state your mind, yes, but you shouldn’t expect people to take you too seriously. Being too assertive is bossy, but being too soft makes you look weak. We’ve got to find the right balance, okay? 

Be fit, but not thick. A strong woman is one who works out, but not one who has muscles bulging out of every part of her body. We can’t have a woman look too strong—too manly. You must be fit enough to look appealing—to have men left groveling at your feet. 

Be fashionable, but not too fashionable. A strong woman has a strong fashion sense. But not too strong, okay? You can’t look bold or fierce—that can hurt a man’s pride. Just be strong enough to blend in. Oh, you can be sexually appealing, but not too much or too little. Too much is being a slut. Too little is being normal. You have to find the right balance—a true strong woman knows how. 

Be smart, but not too smart. Strong women are ones with intellect. But don’t go overboard, okay? You can’t be smart enough that a man won’t be able to understand you. You still have to let them explain things to you. You still have to show them that they’re the smarter ones. We can’t have know-it-all girls running around like flies—that’ll make the world look too progressive. And we can’t have that just yet. 

Be motherly, but not too motherly. Strong women have motherly instincts—but let’s not allow that to take over your whole personality. Women who care about domesticity are too plain, and women who don’t want children are a disgrace. You’re starting to understand now, right? Never be too much. Never let yourself stay too uptight or too lose.

Be ambitious, but not too ambitious. Women can have dreams, of course, but they shouldn’t dream too big. Men are the less emotional ones, after all—the ones who can have bigger visions. So you can dream, of course, but don’t dream too hard. 

Be this, be that, be…

Oh, screw it.

We all know that this guide has always been more harmful than helpful. Society has always doubled the standards we women have to conform to. We always have to moderate ourselves, to hold back. We cannot be too much or too little. We cannot be too intense or too dull. Being a strong woman means being average or inferior to men. Society has always weighed us down and cut off our wings, chaining us to an obnoxious standard that we will never be able to reach. 

Are you not tired of it?

If you are, then there is only one piece of advice that you need to follow—throw the guide away. Erase whatever effects it has had on you throughout the years. You should not be imprisoned by a society that fears your strength and your magnitude. 

Be assertive and loud. 

Be fit in the manner you are comfortable with. 

Be the most intelligent person in the room. 

Be loving. 

Be the one with the biggest dreams.

You are not a puppet to be toyed and played with. You are not someone that can be controlled or hindered. You are a woman—in every sense of the word. You are capable of soaring to greater heights. You are capable of achieving anything you want to achieve.

You are a woman, and you will not allow yourself to be chained. 

So be strong. 

Be fierce. 

Be you.