Written by Alex Danielle Guerrero

I used to think you will be my only love. With your soft, unruly hair and sweet smile, you were the first person to ever hold my eyes in a standstill. You were the first to make goosebumps sweep across my skin in succession as my hand touched yours. And as your eyes looked at mine with tender gentleness, you were the first to make my ribcaged heart long for freedom.

I used to think you will be my only love. On the days I cannot look at myself in the mirror, you told me I was pretty and you wished I could look at myself like the way you look at me. When I was struggling in balancing our relationship, work, family, friends, and myself––you filled my gaps with pieces of yourself. You showed me I’m worth loving even when I find it hard to like myself. We fought countless times but we held onto each other; we believed in the strength and the future of our love.

I used to think you will be my only love. Until I learned feelings wane and disappear like the way flowers bloom only to wither and die.

Your smiles eventually grew gray and tired; your hands—cold and distant. The warm meaning in your assurances hollowed into obligated responses. I watched the glow in your eyes fade in disinterest as you watch me talk about things that used to excite you. You said you still love me. But you stopped giving me bits and pieces of yourself even after I’ve given you all of mine. It doesn’t take me longer than six months to realize you don’t want me anymore. I only saw the spark in your eyes again after we ended what we had. I saw it as you talked with your new coworker whose appearance, interests, and mannerisms didn’t resemble mine.

I used to think you will be my only love. Because after you, my eyes could no longer see the sincerity in anyone’s eyes. My skin became unfeeling to the people who tried to touch me. And my once welcoming heart has closed its doors to any opportunities for happiness. My time with you and without you became my markers in separating the passing days and nights from each other.

But now, I know you will not be my only love. My eyes eventually re-learned to look and appreciate things and people that do not resemble you. My skin started to tingle and feel things and goosebumps that were not because of your doing. I realized I can fall in love with more people and things other than you. I have fallen in love with books and films and writing. I have fallen in love with change and the hope, thrill, and opportunities it holds. I even started to long for my new muse I always see in the novelty store I frequent. And, I learned to fall in love with myself — even without you by my side.

I know you will not be my only love. The love inside of me is far too great to be extinguished by only one person. It will always be more than the accumulation of things you’ve given me and let me feel. No one, not even you, will ever be able to see its beginning and end.

I know you will not be my only love. Because like the flowers that wither and die, the love inside of me may wane and disappear. But it will always sprout and bloom, time and time again.